Let’s talk about the elephant in the room in wedding planning, when couples say to me “my mum and dad don’t understand what a celebrant does!”. More often than not this is a question which comes up right from the beginning, even during enquiry calls and sadly can cause real anxiety for many couples.
So how can I help you when you tell me that?
“My mum and dad don’t understand what a celebrant does?” Fact one to help explain
It may seem an insurmountable stumbling block during your wedding planning, yet with my help it really can be resolved happily and easily for everyone. The first, perhaps most succinct fact to explain is the difference between a marriage or civil partnership and a wedding.
A marriage is the legal definition of, well being married. It is a requirement within British law that a couple who wish to marry, do so in a licensed approved venue such as at a registry office, place of faith ( but only some of them!) or at a licensed venue where registrars can attend. There are set scripts and words that you have to repeat under oath. Very dry, very formal, very proper. Also very necessary if you want to be legally married. The best place to start an understanding of what is required is the gov.uk site, the link of which I have placed below.
GOV.UK details on how to marry legally
A wedding is the ultimate day. The celebration day of your love story, the day you stand up in front of everyone you love to share your commitment, your union, your joy. A wedding is a party, an occasion, a stupendous, proud, fabulous day in which you share love. Your ceremony shouldn’t be the boring, legal part of this day, it should be about you. And with me, it will be. Your wedding day will be full of energy, enthusiasm and excitement. It will be creative, beautifully crafted and immersive.
My Mum and Dad don’t understand what a celebrant does – Fact two to help explain
Once you have explained to your parents/parent/person the difference between a marriage and a wedding, you can start to nail down to the nitty gritty which may be worrying them!
In my opinion they may well be concerned that a celebrant will somehow loose the gravitas and sense of occasion that your love and your union deserve. They want the best for you and don’t want to imagine some whacky individual turning up and letting rip like a scene from the Hollywood film Hocus Pocus or an episode of Friends or Schitts Creek!
Gently explain that celebrants are professionals with experience, training (and insurance!). Put their mind at rest that you have done oodles of research and that the celebrant you have chosen is aligned to your values, your vision, your vibe. Show them their website, reviews and social media so they get an understanding of your choice and your why. A good link to send them is an article I wrote about how celebrants can, and will, incorporate traditional elements into your wedding ceremony! 5 myth busting facts about celebrant wedding ceremonies and traditional elements
Failing all else, remember that your mum and dad were just like you, in love, planning a wedding, trying to explain their choices to their parents!
My Mum and Dad don’t understand what a celebrant does – Fact three to help explain
Involve them! Explain that if you were simply have a registrar there would be no opportunity, except to give a reading, for them to become involved. I can help with so many ideas about how they can be part of your wedding ceremony, from holding your wedding bands, to hand tying as a family. Perhaps there is a family ritual we can incorporate or a special drink? Literally there are so many options and all meaningful and inclusive.
My Mum and Dad don’t understand what a celebrant does – Fact four to help explain
A Celebrant does not necessarily look like the entertainment (unless you book someone because that’s what you want!)A simple truism for my last fact. Your wedding celebrant will always be sensitive to your styling, your guests, your needs. If anybody has special needs I will ensure that I am aware and can help. I am always available and present well before the ceremony to help iron out any last minute hitches and chat and help your guests feel at ease and know what is happening and when. So, in doing so I free up your folks from having to worry and leave them to be where they should be, with you.
Conclusion!
The single most important piece of advice I can give you is this, it is your wedding day. Absolutely you don’t want to upset anyone, least of all family members, but it is and always will be your day together. Yet, help is at hand and if you follow these simple tips I can (almost) guarantee that there will be much better understanding about the role of a celebrant at your wedding ceremony.
After all, who wants an elephant at their wedding? Except perhaps this little one below.
Contact Me to find out more reasons to book me as your celebrant